It has come to my attention that I (along with hundreds of other people) am being laid off because the company I work for cancelled my project - TO APPEASE INVESTORS. Let me say that another way: in order to get people to keep buying stocks in the company I work for, the top executives have decided to publically cancel the huge project that so many of us were pouring our sweat and blood into for the SOLE REASON that it would show investors that they are concerned about the economy and cutting costs to stay afloat, nevermind that the company desperately needed the project to remain competitive and efficient, this has nothing to do with that.
OK, here's an idea. How about firing the CEO and the entire board of executives? Together they make MORE money each year than the ENTIRE PROJECT I was on cost. A handful of men, who are each rich as fuck, would be out of work - instead of hundreds of hard working lower white collar workers. They could all say "fuck it" and just retire in luxury, but we all have to scamper to find work in order to pay the mortgage.
So far this month, over 200,000 American workers have been cut loose from their jobs. For the exact same reasons I did - to boost investor confidence. Microsoft laid of 5,000 consultants, one of whom sat two rows over from me until he got the e-mail that he was being let go. Does anyone really believe that Microsoft needs to cut 5,000 jobs to stay afloat? No, they don't. They could absorb millions of dollars worth of losses annually and still survive. They are doing just fine, recession or no.
So in a "me first" mentality where the investors and bankers reign supreme, everyone suffers in the end. People who are out of work don't spend money like they used to (or at all). This means that all businesses across the board will sell fewer products. When they sell fewer products, they have to make fewer products. When they make fewer products, they purchase fewer resources. When they purchase fewer resources, fewer resources will be mined / harvested / fabricated. Everyone along the way suffers financially from lower sales and they lay off employees to stay afloat, contributing to the problem exponentially.
It's a long train and everyone's getting it up the ass.
Unemployed people don't pay taxes either, instead they ask for unemployment benefits. 15 states will be insolvent within the next 6 months, mine being one of them. That means that they DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY to pay unemployment benefits, so they have to go to the Federal government for handouts to cover it. The Federal government has already given away, what, 1.6 TRILLION dollars in the past few months - where the hell are they going to get the money?
Oh right - they're borrowing it. From our children's futures. The money itself doesn't actually exist, they are quite literally printing it.
All of this mess started because those same executive-type asshats were playing around with credit, lumping really badly underwritten loans in with really profitable ones so that they could sell them to investors. See, there's that word again: investors. That's right, they are the fucking assrapists that started this whole mess, and here we are, appeasing them by firing people who did nothing but show up to work and do their job.
So again, we're back to the CEOs and donkey-fucking board members of these giant conglomerations who are happily swinging the pink axe of job cuts around - once they get back from their 3 martini lunches or golf meetings.
Here's a fun fact: 90% of the executives of the banks that were the first to reeceive bailout money still have their jobs.
I'm going to repeat that using smaller words in case any of them are reading this, I want to make sure they understand.
Nearly all of the overpaid, cheating, lying, and money-grubbing snakesuckers that run the companies that started this entire financial disaster by lying to and cheating their investors have not been fired for their incompetent self-serving manipulation of the system, which ultimately broke it. THEY. STILL. HAVE. THEIR. JOBS.
And these shitballs make so much money it makes Derek Jeter jealous. Firing ONE of those monkey turds would be the equivalent of laying off 250 REALLY HIGHLY PAID white collar workers, or 500 well paid ones.
But we're sitting here on the chopping block to appease investors. Sounds amazing right?
Not when you stop for a minute and think about who's making the call to cut a company's workforce, again, to make investors happy.
It's the CEO. And the Board of Directors.
Look, I'm no Communist, but this is exactly what's wrong with our model of Capitalism. A small board of douchebags making decisions that clearly only benefit them, and indirectly, I suppose, benefit the company by keeping it in business - with no-one to answer to except these mysterious "investors" that move their money around based on rumor and speculation. Maybe it's because I'm an engineer, but I work with cold, hard facts. There's no room for guesswork in what I do, but these fuckwits base all of their decisions on it.
All of this makes me want to direct a board right at the head of the next uncle-fucker in a suit I see.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Monday, December 29, 2008
Corporate Advancement
Here I am, sitting in a virtually empty office while all of the other employees here take advantage of their vacation pay and (presumably) spend their Christmas bonus money. It's really hard for me, in this scenario, not to feel negative about my situation. Unceremoniously dumped by a company in which I invested more than 10 years of my time and hard work earlier this year, I'm now an independent contractor which means that I work for myself, and I can't afford to give myself holiday pay or a Christmas bonus because I'm now working for about 15 percent of my previous salary.
When I was interviewed for this contract, I was assured that it was a "right to hire" and that the initial contract period was merely a formality to ensure that I am what my resume says I am. I was told that I'd be hired full time before Christmas. Instead, they extended my contract (to avoid paying me benefits) and then promptly (and without ever actually notifying me) gave me a promotion (after I agreed to continue at the same rate).
Those same people are all on vacation this week, taking full advantage of their perks and benefits. Those same people mandated that anyone who can't take the time off has to show up in the office this week so that the team can "have a presence". Who are they worried about impressing I have no idea, the only people in the entire building this week are peons and independent contractors - all of the executives are currently in their second week of sunning themseves in Wakiki.
To top it all off, all 6 of my bosses have been on vacation since before last week, and they didn't leave us enough work to last us 2 days. So all I have to do all week (and it's an abbreviated week - the company gave its employees Friday off as a gift, which means that I can't work and will have to lose another day's pay without any choice in the matter) is sit here and feel disgruntled about my position.
There's got to be a better way. I refuse to do this until retirement. I poured my life into my last job, thinking that it would pay off, underestimating man's constant and dependable tendancy to screw over everyone else at the first possible chance. I won't do that again. The next project I invest myself in will be for me, and it's going to be the one that I sell to Microsoft or Google and retire off of.
And while that means that I'll find myself on the same Wakiki beaches as the executives who today I loathe, I'll happily watch them sipping their fruity drinks, knowing that the woman sunning herself next to me in her white bikini is so much hotter and wonderful than their washed up resentful old housewives, and that they may have two weeks off from the ratrace but I found a way to leave it all behind me.
When I was interviewed for this contract, I was assured that it was a "right to hire" and that the initial contract period was merely a formality to ensure that I am what my resume says I am. I was told that I'd be hired full time before Christmas. Instead, they extended my contract (to avoid paying me benefits) and then promptly (and without ever actually notifying me) gave me a promotion (after I agreed to continue at the same rate).
Those same people are all on vacation this week, taking full advantage of their perks and benefits. Those same people mandated that anyone who can't take the time off has to show up in the office this week so that the team can "have a presence". Who are they worried about impressing I have no idea, the only people in the entire building this week are peons and independent contractors - all of the executives are currently in their second week of sunning themseves in Wakiki.
To top it all off, all 6 of my bosses have been on vacation since before last week, and they didn't leave us enough work to last us 2 days. So all I have to do all week (and it's an abbreviated week - the company gave its employees Friday off as a gift, which means that I can't work and will have to lose another day's pay without any choice in the matter) is sit here and feel disgruntled about my position.
There's got to be a better way. I refuse to do this until retirement. I poured my life into my last job, thinking that it would pay off, underestimating man's constant and dependable tendancy to screw over everyone else at the first possible chance. I won't do that again. The next project I invest myself in will be for me, and it's going to be the one that I sell to Microsoft or Google and retire off of.
And while that means that I'll find myself on the same Wakiki beaches as the executives who today I loathe, I'll happily watch them sipping their fruity drinks, knowing that the woman sunning herself next to me in her white bikini is so much hotter and wonderful than their washed up resentful old housewives, and that they may have two weeks off from the ratrace but I found a way to leave it all behind me.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Attention
It has come to my attention that either I am a huge asshole, or everyone else in the world is. That is all.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Traffic Czar
The newly-elected President has been busy filling top cabinet positions the past few weeks, and reading about this in the news got me to thinking that there should be a new post created to go along with them: Traffic Czar. Obviously I nominate myself for the position. If confirmed, I would institute the following Federal regulations regarding driving on the roads of this fine country:
1) Speed limits will be renamed to Speed Guidelines, and enforced as follows:
- A new driver's license endorsement will be issued to qualified drivers based on their driving abilities and the capabilities of the vehicles that they are driving. Drivers that can prove in a driving test that they can control their vehicle at high speeds and what for other drivers might be considered unsafe conditions would be given "Limit Free" licenses, allowing them to drive at any speed they desired on any road. Having a single speed limit for all drivers regardless of ability is like levelling a fixed tax amount on everyone regardless of their income. Blue hairs and soccer moms that can't handle speed don't drive the speed limit anyway, so why should I be restricted as long as I can handle my vehicle and it is built for performance? Carriers of "Limit Free" licenses would not be given tickets for exceeding posted speed guidelines, although they are still subject to being stopped and audited to ensure that they are following all other requirements of the law. This endorsement will be null and void in inclement weather conditions.
- Failure to pull over and let faster drivers pass would result in a fine. People who drive slowly shouldn't have to drive faster just because I want to, but I shouldn't have to drive 25 miles an hour. Ever. If you drive like my mom then clearly you aren't all that interested in getting to your destination in a timely manner, so pulling over for 3 seconds to let me go about my business isn't going to hold you back in any significant way.
2) Anyone with a DVD player or giant GPS screen mounted on their dashboard will be required to mount a screen blocker in their back window so that anyone following them at night won't end up transfixed on the bright and sparkly colors shining from the middle of an otherwise darkened vehicle. It's downright dangerous to distract attention from brake lights, and the brightness of these screens affects depth perception when judging distance. And what the hell are you doing in there anyway, it's a car, not a goddamn living room.
3) A new driver's license endorsement will be issued to qualified drivers who can prove in a driving test that they can a) successfully merge onto a highway, b) consistenly navigate at highway speeds, and c) are aware enough to facilitate merging traffic when travelling in the right lane of a highway. This one is for you, stupid silver SUV that honked at me because I dared try to merge in front of them in the highway this morning on my way to work. Without such an endorsement, drivers will not be allowed on the country's highways.
4) Minimum speed limits will be posted and enforced on highway entrance ramps. Douchebags trying to merge onto highway traffic while travelling 40 MPH will be pulled over and summarily shot. Or fined, I guess, depending on the popularity of this particular law.
5) All traffic laws will be lifted in rush hour conditions. Cops that pull over people in heavy traffic thereby creating aggravated rubbernecking siituations are part of the problem, not the solution.
6) Rubberneckers will have their licenses revoked. Rent "Faces of Death" if you want to see carnage, otherwise keep driving with your eyes on the road, asshole.
7) Motorcycles and scooters will be absolved of all parking regulations and fees. All parking garages will be required to admit cycles and will be forced to charge no more than half the cost of parking a car, since cycles take up half the space. Take that, Hartford Parking Authority.
8) Seatbelt and cell phone laws will all be revoked, re: Darwin.
1) Speed limits will be renamed to Speed Guidelines, and enforced as follows:
- A new driver's license endorsement will be issued to qualified drivers based on their driving abilities and the capabilities of the vehicles that they are driving. Drivers that can prove in a driving test that they can control their vehicle at high speeds and what for other drivers might be considered unsafe conditions would be given "Limit Free" licenses, allowing them to drive at any speed they desired on any road. Having a single speed limit for all drivers regardless of ability is like levelling a fixed tax amount on everyone regardless of their income. Blue hairs and soccer moms that can't handle speed don't drive the speed limit anyway, so why should I be restricted as long as I can handle my vehicle and it is built for performance? Carriers of "Limit Free" licenses would not be given tickets for exceeding posted speed guidelines, although they are still subject to being stopped and audited to ensure that they are following all other requirements of the law. This endorsement will be null and void in inclement weather conditions.
- Failure to pull over and let faster drivers pass would result in a fine. People who drive slowly shouldn't have to drive faster just because I want to, but I shouldn't have to drive 25 miles an hour. Ever. If you drive like my mom then clearly you aren't all that interested in getting to your destination in a timely manner, so pulling over for 3 seconds to let me go about my business isn't going to hold you back in any significant way.
2) Anyone with a DVD player or giant GPS screen mounted on their dashboard will be required to mount a screen blocker in their back window so that anyone following them at night won't end up transfixed on the bright and sparkly colors shining from the middle of an otherwise darkened vehicle. It's downright dangerous to distract attention from brake lights, and the brightness of these screens affects depth perception when judging distance. And what the hell are you doing in there anyway, it's a car, not a goddamn living room.
3) A new driver's license endorsement will be issued to qualified drivers who can prove in a driving test that they can a) successfully merge onto a highway, b) consistenly navigate at highway speeds, and c) are aware enough to facilitate merging traffic when travelling in the right lane of a highway. This one is for you, stupid silver SUV that honked at me because I dared try to merge in front of them in the highway this morning on my way to work. Without such an endorsement, drivers will not be allowed on the country's highways.
4) Minimum speed limits will be posted and enforced on highway entrance ramps. Douchebags trying to merge onto highway traffic while travelling 40 MPH will be pulled over and summarily shot. Or fined, I guess, depending on the popularity of this particular law.
5) All traffic laws will be lifted in rush hour conditions. Cops that pull over people in heavy traffic thereby creating aggravated rubbernecking siituations are part of the problem, not the solution.
6) Rubberneckers will have their licenses revoked. Rent "Faces of Death" if you want to see carnage, otherwise keep driving with your eyes on the road, asshole.
7) Motorcycles and scooters will be absolved of all parking regulations and fees. All parking garages will be required to admit cycles and will be forced to charge no more than half the cost of parking a car, since cycles take up half the space. Take that, Hartford Parking Authority.
8) Seatbelt and cell phone laws will all be revoked, re: Darwin.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Spilt Milk
I'm sorry, is my friendship inconveniencing you? Is my mere presence in your little corner of the world a constant reminder to you that you have no loyalty, or gratitude for everything I ever did for you? That you are too scared to stand up for what is right, too scared to live your life, too scared to acknowledge right and wrong?
You're the one who supported them as they twisted the knife in my back. Then you helped them clean up the blood spatter after, testifying that they couldn't have done what they did because they were with you. But I was still there for you.
You went back on every promise we ever made to each other, our oath to stick together through thick and through thin, but I upheld my end of the bargain. I fought for you, sacrificed for you, and defended you every chance I got. That's what friends are for.
And now you avoid me and have nothing substantial to say to me, pretending that nothing has changed and nothing is wrong. But I know the truth, I can see it in your eyes. I was your friend, after all, I know when things are bothering you.
It would have hurt less if you had owned your choices, if you had come right out and said that you were choosing cowardice over our friendship. At least then I could have respected you.
I guess it's hard for you. I guess that everything about me is a reminder that you are still miking the cow that I hand-fed and raised. That you are being paid, and paid well, to turn your back on me, to forget what you promised me you would do if this ever happened. You know I would have been true to you if the tables were turned, and maybe that makes it even harder that you weren't.
I'm sorry you have to go through that, and I'm sorry that I served as a weekly reminder of such distasteful things.
I hope you continue to ride the wave, and that you never have to know the destitution and alone-ness that I felt when I was tossed out on the street like yesterday's trash, looking up at those people that I thought were my friends, as you stood behind my enemy and kept silent.
I don't want a reminder of that any more than you do. So enjoy your milk.
You're the one who supported them as they twisted the knife in my back. Then you helped them clean up the blood spatter after, testifying that they couldn't have done what they did because they were with you. But I was still there for you.
You went back on every promise we ever made to each other, our oath to stick together through thick and through thin, but I upheld my end of the bargain. I fought for you, sacrificed for you, and defended you every chance I got. That's what friends are for.
And now you avoid me and have nothing substantial to say to me, pretending that nothing has changed and nothing is wrong. But I know the truth, I can see it in your eyes. I was your friend, after all, I know when things are bothering you.
It would have hurt less if you had owned your choices, if you had come right out and said that you were choosing cowardice over our friendship. At least then I could have respected you.
I guess it's hard for you. I guess that everything about me is a reminder that you are still miking the cow that I hand-fed and raised. That you are being paid, and paid well, to turn your back on me, to forget what you promised me you would do if this ever happened. You know I would have been true to you if the tables were turned, and maybe that makes it even harder that you weren't.
I'm sorry you have to go through that, and I'm sorry that I served as a weekly reminder of such distasteful things.
I hope you continue to ride the wave, and that you never have to know the destitution and alone-ness that I felt when I was tossed out on the street like yesterday's trash, looking up at those people that I thought were my friends, as you stood behind my enemy and kept silent.
I don't want a reminder of that any more than you do. So enjoy your milk.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Bah
People who say "Bah" instead of "Bye" when they get off the phone with someone should be strung up by their balls and subjected to Chinese water torture using the blood of small rodents.
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