Friends

Friends are the best. Thank you to all my friends, especially B. I thank you the most.

WTH

The other day I was chatting with a friend at work about the weather, and made the comment "I wouldn't be suprised if we have snow on the ground before Thanksgiving". Yes, it's been a rough year, weather-wise. But I would have certainly been suprised two days ago to see snow on the ground before Halloween.

And yet, tonight I drove in the snow. By the time I got home from work, the leaves were like small party favours filled with Italian Ice. Now, just a half hour later, the ground is covered. I'd post a picture, but I can't bring myself to even document this sad event.

By morning, nearly an inch of snow will cover the leaves on my lawn, and the trees, many still green amidst the orange and yellow, will be hanging low under the burden of white slush.

As I said, it's been a rough year, weather-wise. But dammit, I won't let it get me down. Yes, I still live in New England due to a long tragedy of errors starting with the loss of my job and subsequent (but likely unrelated) crash of the real estate market last Spring, but I have a job that I love and a bunch of great friends here. And I have an even better friend who lives down in warmer climates, who I will be visiting next week and enjoying hedonistic and alcoholic pleasures with down in the Florida Keys.

Who knows what the future brings? The possibilities are quite endless, the future is wide open, I alone control my destiny, and what has been a long, strange, and mostly wonderful trip so far is not likely even close to over.

In other news, my Tivo for some reason switched my TV while I was at work to the local Christian channel today to record something (God knows why it thought I'd be interested), so when I turned on the TV tonight to see what's up, I was greeted with some dude preaching about how lost we are in the world.

I don't feel lost. I feel like I am found. And that's a really nice place to be, despite the weather...

Edit:

You Don't Owe Me

Entitlement. I don't have it. Actually, that's not true. I do feel that if I've earned something I am entitled to it, but I don't feel I'm entitled to something special "just because", like some people. And I sure don't expect every day to be wonderful and beautiful and unique - those times are rare, and that's what makes them special.

I was looking through some pictures from last summer's birthday party that B sent to me, and great memories flooded back (interrupted by blackouts caused by the vodka and red bulls that M had kept plying me with). It was one of the best times I've had in my life. It wasn't all that special in general, depending on how you look at it; I didn't see a marching band, or have anyone buy me flowers, or get lucky. In fact, what made it special to me had nothing to do with the reason we were out celebrating that night: recognition that I, personally, was alive.

It was of the best times I've had, and what made it special to me was that whatever the reason, I was out with people that were happy to be spending time with me (and each other) and who didn't want anything in particular from me except to enjoy their company. I've had plenty of days that I thought rated up there, but in retrospect were empty and shallow - specifically because those things weren't in them (even thought I may have thought they were at the time).

Today was nothing special, really, if you only value what other people can do for you. Actually, that's not even true. My boss, who I respect quite a lot, thanked me for doing my job well, which is something I've not heard much before. My co-workers did their job especially well, partly, I'd like to think, because they didn't want to let me down (see previous rant about lack of loyalty in our time, and redact it please). Other co-workers stood up in the face of adversity for no other reason than the fact that they believe in me and trust that what I have to say is accurate, and they didn't have to do that.

So I could end the day looking back and bemoaning the fact that I did nothing else but work and watch a few TV shows before crashing in bed, but instead I choose to reflect on the day and note my accomplishments, the accomplishments of others who were inspired by my honesty and openness, and realize that even though at the end of the day I didn't have time to see a parade, or have sex, or have anyone buy me flowers, I had a beautiful and wonderful and special day.

And I've been having a lot of those lately, with many more to come. These are the days that are obviously special, like the ones to be spent in a hedonistic near-tropical paradise with my closest friend, and the days whose specialness aren't as obvious, like today.

Mazel Tov, special day, I appreciate you as much as you appreciate me.