Sometimes a News Article is a Rant all in Itself...

"It is a familiar story for the 31-year-old New York Giants wide receiver. Now facing felony gun charges after he accidentally shot himself in the leg with an .40-caliber Glock at a Manhattan nightclub, Burress has a history of being sued over debts a millionaire professional athlete seemingly could have paid. The Associated Press found that, since Burress joined the NFL in 2000, he has been sued at least nine times by people who said he failed to pay a debt, damaged their car or didn't pay his taxes."

We're All Going to Die

For the past 6 months, I've been working at a job where there is virtually nothing for me to do. I think that in all reality, like in the movie Office Space, I've done about 5 minutes of "real work" a day on average since I started here. Everyone else around me got laid off last week, but they kept me around - presumably because I wowed them with my mad skillz during those daily 5 minute periods. I know, amazing isn't it? The guys that were actually trying got let go, and I've been fucking around and they kept me on - and just offered to extend my contract through the end of the year. Mike Judge is a genius. As soon as the ice melts I'm going to go fishing and gut my catch on my desk wearing flip flops - or knock down my cubicle wall to have a better view.

Anyway, I've now inherited a small project that one of the now-unemployed consultants was working on, and was given 2 weeks to finish it. Happy to have some actual work to do, I hunkered down yesterday afternoon and got started, only to finish half of it by the end of the day. At this rate I'll be done by lunch and will have 8 days to sit around doing nothing. Again. So actually being given something to do hasn't affected my average daily "real work" time allotment much at all.

It gets worse when you reflect back over time. I've spent the past 2+ years getting paid to do things that were ultimately never used by my employers who paid me to build them. Through no fault of my own, I might add. The previous employer was a fuckwadded douche-tart moron who isn't running a business as much as a circle-jerk kiss-ass club of like-minded numb-nutted shitbags, and cut me loose right after I finished building a genre-busting enterprise system for him that could have revolutionized the industry - all because I didn't kiss his ass and stood up for myself and the guys that worked for me. My current employer cancelled the project I spent the past 6 months working 5 minutes a day on because of the economy (see previous post: "Don't Trust Whitey"). I'd be all broken up thinking that I've wasted the last two years of my life doing what amounted to a pile of fuck-all, but that work paid my bills and fueled my life, so it wasn't a complete waste. Unless of course I am a complete waste, which I am starting to increasingly think is entirely possible.

Here's the thing. I'm not the type of person who will have kids of my own, but I've always felt sort of a bond with humanity in general - like the future of mankind is something we're all investing in. So it all seemed worthwhile to a point - if I leave a positive impact on the world (through my work, my writing, my music, or whatever) then I am furthering humankind.

But lately, hearing about all the fucked up things we've done to the planet we live on, I have to wonder if it all matters anymore anyway. Increasing pollution causing melting polar caps contributing to rising sea levels means that possibly even before I die (assuming I live an average length life) some cities like New York, San Francisco, Tampa Bay, and Boston may be partially or completely submerged. Iran put a satellite in orbit yesterday, menaing that they now have the ability to deliver their nuclear weapons thousands of miles away. Pakistan and India, both also nuclear countries, are poking each other with sticks trying to get the other to drop their gloves first, Palestine is threatening to invade Jerusalem which would possibly start World War III, dogs and cats are living together - it's mass hysteria.

So why bother, I say. What if we aren't working towards something better, but we're just supposed to live the time we have on Earth how we want to - doing the things that make us happy, being with the people that make us feel good, and enjoying being here, instead of constantly worrying about what legacy we're leaving for the rest of humanity - made up of millions of people that don't give a shit about me, or you, or your mom.

Fuck your mother, fuck your father, fuck your brother, fuck your sister; fuck them all, I'm going to keep working my 5 minutes a day and try to save up enough energy to enjoy the time I have when I'm not locked in a stuffy box filling out timesheets and TPS reports. I'm going to do the things that I want to do and worry only about how my choices affect the few people that I love.

Humanity can piss off.

I need to find something else to listen to on the way to and from work besides NPR. It will be spring in a few months, and then I'll be listening to the roar of the wind past my helmet during my commute, so I've got that going for me. Now I'm off to search Google Maps for a nice tropical community to someday relocate to that's not too close to the water...

Don't Trust Whitey

It has come to my attention that I (along with hundreds of other people) am being laid off because the company I work for cancelled my project - TO APPEASE INVESTORS. Let me say that another way: in order to get people to keep buying stocks in the company I work for, the top executives have decided to publically cancel the huge project that so many of us were pouring our sweat and blood into for the SOLE REASON that it would show investors that they are concerned about the economy and cutting costs to stay afloat, nevermind that the company desperately needed the project to remain competitive and efficient, this has nothing to do with that.

OK, here's an idea. How about firing the CEO and the entire board of executives? Together they make MORE money each year than the ENTIRE PROJECT I was on cost. A handful of men, who are each rich as fuck, would be out of work - instead of hundreds of hard working lower white collar workers. They could all say "fuck it" and just retire in luxury, but we all have to scamper to find work in order to pay the mortgage.

So far this month, over 200,000 American workers have been cut loose from their jobs. For the exact same reasons I did - to boost investor confidence. Microsoft laid of 5,000 consultants, one of whom sat two rows over from me until he got the e-mail that he was being let go. Does anyone really believe that Microsoft needs to cut 5,000 jobs to stay afloat? No, they don't. They could absorb millions of dollars worth of losses annually and still survive. They are doing just fine, recession or no.

So in a "me first" mentality where the investors and bankers reign supreme, everyone suffers in the end. People who are out of work don't spend money like they used to (or at all). This means that all businesses across the board will sell fewer products. When they sell fewer products, they have to make fewer products. When they make fewer products, they purchase fewer resources. When they purchase fewer resources, fewer resources will be mined / harvested / fabricated. Everyone along the way suffers financially from lower sales and they lay off employees to stay afloat, contributing to the problem exponentially.

It's a long train and everyone's getting it up the ass.

Unemployed people don't pay taxes either, instead they ask for unemployment benefits. 15 states will be insolvent within the next 6 months, mine being one of them. That means that they DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY to pay unemployment benefits, so they have to go to the Federal government for handouts to cover it. The Federal government has already given away, what, 1.6 TRILLION dollars in the past few months - where the hell are they going to get the money?

Oh right - they're borrowing it. From our children's futures. The money itself doesn't actually exist, they are quite literally printing it.

All of this mess started because those same executive-type asshats were playing around with credit, lumping really badly underwritten loans in with really profitable ones so that they could sell them to investors. See, there's that word again: investors. That's right, they are the fucking assrapists that started this whole mess, and here we are, appeasing them by firing people who did nothing but show up to work and do their job.

So again, we're back to the CEOs and donkey-fucking board members of these giant conglomerations who are happily swinging the pink axe of job cuts around - once they get back from their 3 martini lunches or golf meetings.

Here's a fun fact: 90% of the executives of the banks that were the first to reeceive bailout money still have their jobs.

I'm going to repeat that using smaller words in case any of them are reading this, I want to make sure they understand.

Nearly all of the overpaid, cheating, lying, and money-grubbing snakesuckers that run the companies that started this entire financial disaster by lying to and cheating their investors have not been fired for their incompetent self-serving manipulation of the system, which ultimately broke it. THEY. STILL. HAVE. THEIR. JOBS.

And these shitballs make so much money it makes Derek Jeter jealous. Firing ONE of those monkey turds would be the equivalent of laying off 250 REALLY HIGHLY PAID white collar workers, or 500 well paid ones.

But we're sitting here on the chopping block to appease investors. Sounds amazing right?

Not when you stop for a minute and think about who's making the call to cut a company's workforce, again, to make investors happy.

It's the CEO. And the Board of Directors.

Look, I'm no Communist, but this is exactly what's wrong with our model of Capitalism. A small board of douchebags making decisions that clearly only benefit them, and indirectly, I suppose, benefit the company by keeping it in business - with no-one to answer to except these mysterious "investors" that move their money around based on rumor and speculation. Maybe it's because I'm an engineer, but I work with cold, hard facts. There's no room for guesswork in what I do, but these fuckwits base all of their decisions on it.

All of this makes me want to direct a board right at the head of the next uncle-fucker in a suit I see.

Corporate Advancement

Here I am, sitting in a virtually empty office while all of the other employees here take advantage of their vacation pay and (presumably) spend their Christmas bonus money. It's really hard for me, in this scenario, not to feel negative about my situation. Unceremoniously dumped by a company in which I invested more than 10 years of my time and hard work earlier this year, I'm now an independent contractor which means that I work for myself, and I can't afford to give myself holiday pay or a Christmas bonus because I'm now working for about 15 percent of my previous salary.

When I was interviewed for this contract, I was assured that it was a "right to hire" and that the initial contract period was merely a formality to ensure that I am what my resume says I am. I was told that I'd be hired full time before Christmas. Instead, they extended my contract (to avoid paying me benefits) and then promptly (and without ever actually notifying me) gave me a promotion (after I agreed to continue at the same rate).

Those same people are all on vacation this week, taking full advantage of their perks and benefits. Those same people mandated that anyone who can't take the time off has to show up in the office this week so that the team can "have a presence". Who are they worried about impressing I have no idea, the only people in the entire building this week are peons and independent contractors - all of the executives are currently in their second week of sunning themseves in Wakiki.

To top it all off, all 6 of my bosses have been on vacation since before last week, and they didn't leave us enough work to last us 2 days. So all I have to do all week (and it's an abbreviated week - the company gave its employees Friday off as a gift, which means that I can't work and will have to lose another day's pay without any choice in the matter) is sit here and feel disgruntled about my position.

There's got to be a better way. I refuse to do this until retirement. I poured my life into my last job, thinking that it would pay off, underestimating man's constant and dependable tendancy to screw over everyone else at the first possible chance. I won't do that again. The next project I invest myself in will be for me, and it's going to be the one that I sell to Microsoft or Google and retire off of.

And while that means that I'll find myself on the same Wakiki beaches as the executives who today I loathe, I'll happily watch them sipping their fruity drinks, knowing that the woman sunning herself next to me in her white bikini is so much hotter and wonderful than their washed up resentful old housewives, and that they may have two weeks off from the ratrace but I found a way to leave it all behind me.

Attention

It has come to my attention that either I am a huge asshole, or everyone else in the world is. That is all.

Traffic Czar

The newly-elected President has been busy filling top cabinet positions the past few weeks, and reading about this in the news got me to thinking that there should be a new post created to go along with them: Traffic Czar. Obviously I nominate myself for the position. If confirmed, I would institute the following Federal regulations regarding driving on the roads of this fine country:

1) Speed limits will be renamed to Speed Guidelines, and enforced as follows:

- A new driver's license endorsement will be issued to qualified drivers based on their driving abilities and the capabilities of the vehicles that they are driving. Drivers that can prove in a driving test that they can control their vehicle at high speeds and what for other drivers might be considered unsafe conditions would be given "Limit Free" licenses, allowing them to drive at any speed they desired on any road. Having a single speed limit for all drivers regardless of ability is like levelling a fixed tax amount on everyone regardless of their income. Blue hairs and soccer moms that can't handle speed don't drive the speed limit anyway, so why should I be restricted as long as I can handle my vehicle and it is built for performance? Carriers of "Limit Free" licenses would not be given tickets for exceeding posted speed guidelines, although they are still subject to being stopped and audited to ensure that they are following all other requirements of the law. This endorsement will be null and void in inclement weather conditions.

- Failure to pull over and let faster drivers pass would result in a fine. People who drive slowly shouldn't have to drive faster just because I want to, but I shouldn't have to drive 25 miles an hour. Ever. If you drive like my mom then clearly you aren't all that interested in getting to your destination in a timely manner, so pulling over for 3 seconds to let me go about my business isn't going to hold you back in any significant way.

2) Anyone with a DVD player or giant GPS screen mounted on their dashboard will be required to mount a screen blocker in their back window so that anyone following them at night won't end up transfixed on the bright and sparkly colors shining from the middle of an otherwise darkened vehicle. It's downright dangerous to distract attention from brake lights, and the brightness of these screens affects depth perception when judging distance. And what the hell are you doing in there anyway, it's a car, not a goddamn living room.

3) A new driver's license endorsement will be issued to qualified drivers who can prove in a driving test that they can a) successfully merge onto a highway, b) consistenly navigate at highway speeds, and c) are aware enough to facilitate merging traffic when travelling in the right lane of a highway. This one is for you, stupid silver SUV that honked at me because I dared try to merge in front of them in the highway this morning on my way to work. Without such an endorsement, drivers will not be allowed on the country's highways.

4) Minimum speed limits will be posted and enforced on highway entrance ramps. Douchebags trying to merge onto highway traffic while travelling 40 MPH will be pulled over and summarily shot. Or fined, I guess, depending on the popularity of this particular law.

5) All traffic laws will be lifted in rush hour conditions. Cops that pull over people in heavy traffic thereby creating aggravated rubbernecking siituations are part of the problem, not the solution.

6) Rubberneckers will have their licenses revoked. Rent "Faces of Death" if you want to see carnage, otherwise keep driving with your eyes on the road, asshole.

7) Motorcycles and scooters will be absolved of all parking regulations and fees. All parking garages will be required to admit cycles and will be forced to charge no more than half the cost of parking a car, since cycles take up half the space. Take that, Hartford Parking Authority.

8) Seatbelt and cell phone laws will all be revoked, re: Darwin.