I'm sorry, is my friendship inconveniencing you? Is my mere presence in your little corner of the world a constant reminder to you that you have no loyalty, or gratitude for everything I ever did for you? That you are too scared to stand up for what is right, too scared to live your life, too scared to acknowledge right and wrong?
You're the one who supported them as they twisted the knife in my back. Then you helped them clean up the blood spatter after, testifying that they couldn't have done what they did because they were with you. But I was still there for you.
You went back on every promise we ever made to each other, our oath to stick together through thick and through thin, but I upheld my end of the bargain. I fought for you, sacrificed for you, and defended you every chance I got. That's what friends are for.
And now you avoid me and have nothing substantial to say to me, pretending that nothing has changed and nothing is wrong. But I know the truth, I can see it in your eyes. I was your friend, after all, I know when things are bothering you.
It would have hurt less if you had owned your choices, if you had come right out and said that you were choosing cowardice over our friendship. At least then I could have respected you.
I guess it's hard for you. I guess that everything about me is a reminder that you are still miking the cow that I hand-fed and raised. That you are being paid, and paid well, to turn your back on me, to forget what you promised me you would do if this ever happened. You know I would have been true to you if the tables were turned, and maybe that makes it even harder that you weren't.
I'm sorry you have to go through that, and I'm sorry that I served as a weekly reminder of such distasteful things.
I hope you continue to ride the wave, and that you never have to know the destitution and alone-ness that I felt when I was tossed out on the street like yesterday's trash, looking up at those people that I thought were my friends, as you stood behind my enemy and kept silent.
I don't want a reminder of that any more than you do. So enjoy your milk.
