The other day I realized that it was technically possible for me to have sex with a girl 20 years younger than me - that would make her less than half my age - and not break any laws. I've complained (mostly joking) in the past about being old, but nothing makes it hit you in the ballsack more than this type of realization.
I realized this at the liquor store the other day. I was there buying a case of beer for me and my buddies to ceremoniously consume in the rain and snow outside of Gillette stadium before the game, and as I walked up to pay I overheard the cute young girl at the counter talking to her co-worker about how she is "totally getting back into the Smashing Pumkins because they are like, so good. And Old School."
Old School.
See also: Smashing Pumkins being like, so good.
She then proceeded to flirt with me mercilessly as I made my purchase. Maybe it was my Carhartt jacket and the Brett Farve-like unshaven greyness about my head and face giving her the impression that I am a rugged (which I am) fatherly (not so much) type. Maybe her daddy was a stringy wimpy finance manager for some insurance company who was never around to steer her in the right direction. Maybe getting me to notice her fulfilled some void left by Daddy Dearest in her young and all too impressionable life.
Or maybe I'm just irresistably hot to the ladies. There is that, after all.
I paid and left, turning down her offer to help me carry my purchase to my car. I'm way to rugged to let some chick carry my case of beer for me, and I was still getting over the shock of realizing that not only was I old enough to be her father, but that anyone anymore still thought that the Smashing Pumkins were any good. Or old-school, more importantly.
Led Zeppelin is old school. So is Aerosmith, but only marginally. Rush, Bon Jovi, Poison - not old enough to be considered Classic Rock yet. But all are old enough so that they shouldn't be touring any more.
Denial? Perhaps. But dammit, when I was a kid, music had to be 20 years old to be considered class-
Oh shit.
When the shit did this happen?
Whatever bitches, I may be old, but I'm not dead yet. This is for sure. And I'm certainly not going to screw some girl half my age to prove that, I have better things to do.
Like keep the pesky neighborhood kids off my lawn.
