For the past 6 months, I've been working at a job where there is virtually nothing for me to do. I think that in all reality, like in the movie Office Space, I've done about 5 minutes of "real work" a day on average since I started here. Everyone else around me got laid off last week, but they kept me around - presumably because I wowed them with my mad skillz during those daily 5 minute periods. I know, amazing isn't it? The guys that were actually trying got let go, and I've been fucking around and they kept me on - and just offered to extend my contract through the end of the year. Mike Judge is a genius. As soon as the ice melts I'm going to go fishing and gut my catch on my desk wearing flip flops - or knock down my cubicle wall to have a better view.
Anyway, I've now inherited a small project that one of the now-unemployed consultants was working on, and was given 2 weeks to finish it. Happy to have some actual work to do, I hunkered down yesterday afternoon and got started, only to finish half of it by the end of the day. At this rate I'll be done by lunch and will have 8 days to sit around doing nothing. Again. So actually being given something to do hasn't affected my average daily "real work" time allotment much at all.
It gets worse when you reflect back over time. I've spent the past 2+ years getting paid to do things that were ultimately never used by my employers who paid me to build them. Through no fault of my own, I might add. The previous employer was a fuckwadded douche-tart moron who isn't running a business as much as a circle-jerk kiss-ass club of like-minded numb-nutted shitbags, and cut me loose right after I finished building a genre-busting enterprise system for him that could have revolutionized the industry - all because I didn't kiss his ass and stood up for myself and the guys that worked for me. My current employer cancelled the project I spent the past 6 months working 5 minutes a day on because of the economy (see previous post: "Don't Trust Whitey"). I'd be all broken up thinking that I've wasted the last two years of my life doing what amounted to a pile of fuck-all, but that work paid my bills and fueled my life, so it wasn't a complete waste. Unless of course I am a complete waste, which I am starting to increasingly think is entirely possible.
Here's the thing. I'm not the type of person who will have kids of my own, but I've always felt sort of a bond with humanity in general - like the future of mankind is something we're all investing in. So it all seemed worthwhile to a point - if I leave a positive impact on the world (through my work, my writing, my music, or whatever) then I am furthering humankind.
But lately, hearing about all the fucked up things we've done to the planet we live on, I have to wonder if it all matters anymore anyway. Increasing pollution causing melting polar caps contributing to rising sea levels means that possibly even before I die (assuming I live an average length life) some cities like New York, San Francisco, Tampa Bay, and Boston may be partially or completely submerged. Iran put a satellite in orbit yesterday, menaing that they now have the ability to deliver their nuclear weapons thousands of miles away. Pakistan and India, both also nuclear countries, are poking each other with sticks trying to get the other to drop their gloves first, Palestine is threatening to invade Jerusalem which would possibly start World War III, dogs and cats are living together - it's mass hysteria.
So why bother, I say. What if we aren't working towards something better, but we're just supposed to live the time we have on Earth how we want to - doing the things that make us happy, being with the people that make us feel good, and enjoying being here, instead of constantly worrying about what legacy we're leaving for the rest of humanity - made up of millions of people that don't give a shit about me, or you, or your mom.
Fuck your mother, fuck your father, fuck your brother, fuck your sister; fuck them all, I'm going to keep working my 5 minutes a day and try to save up enough energy to enjoy the time I have when I'm not locked in a stuffy box filling out timesheets and TPS reports. I'm going to do the things that I want to do and worry only about how my choices affect the few people that I love.
Humanity can piss off.
I need to find something else to listen to on the way to and from work besides NPR. It will be spring in a few months, and then I'll be listening to the roar of the wind past my helmet during my commute, so I've got that going for me. Now I'm off to search Google Maps for a nice tropical community to someday relocate to that's not too close to the water...
